i am happy :)

there is not always dark likewise life is not always gloomy. i feel happy. i be happy too. and i feel it today. i have observed through life that things which are permanent give lasting happiness. things what we own serve more with sincerity & pleasure than what we don’t have. same applies to relationships; but we unfortunate human beings, always hanker after what we don’t have and most of the times when we can’t have it.

i have the most lovable family, cool friends and a loving fiance. i love them all. love of my family didn’t let me go astray or get spoiled like in many cases. but what i developed in me is to get everything i want, every person i feel for. no matter what. i never used a negative mean, i never followed a wrong path but i also got my every wish. this made me more confident at myself and my strengths. process of wishing and getting led me to a point where i forgot that it can lose something. i can’t have just everything. some things are not meant for me. not made for me. yes i got the jerk. i lost the one i loved the most. i couldn’t believe, i couldn’t stand, i couldn’t digest. i hated this happening. my world depressed. i fell in the deep well of gloom and disappointment where i left myself alone and dejected. i forgot God. i had complaints. but God didn’t forget me because He never does. He always knows more and better. He always keeps good in store. He always gives more in return when He takes something. and the Best part is He shows it and proves it one way or the other; as whatever happens, happens for a reason. He showed me what i missed was not good for me. i didn’t believe but He proved to me and let me believe.

Now where i stand, i accept what i have is the best i could. what i don’t was never for me. I am happy God took those things away from me. they were more hurting to be with than to live without. ashamed of myself, i turned to God and asked to embrace me, accept me with my sin and revive my faith. He did. He took me back. The same lesson i learn. I learn from HIM for the people around. i don’t have a cruel heart. it’s not my God’s lesson. i forgive people but i don’t forget. This keeps me going with my faith and remembering what i pass through. I am all open to who comes back to me for good.

i am happy today, i am living day, I am happily living today. i am all for those who are for me, for who i have, for what i own. I have peace.

and i thank to God for being with me and giving me contentment for my life.

Allah give me peace .. ameen !

sooner or later everybody hurts you !

i am having mixed feelings. one side i am sad about whats going on, other side i am contended at whatever happened has happened for good. i took more than required and enough time to realize and make a decision. it cost me very precious things. i didn’t take care of my self, my ego, my feelings. i gave a damn to my brain. i hurt myself the most. i knew i was taken for granted, i was used but i let it go. the result is no better but bruises on my ego and scars on my feelings. my brain pissing me off and i am unable to concentrate on anything.

i have gone through many phases of a relationship. good and bad, happy and sad, fighting and commingling…………………the best is when you see truth in eyes and the worst is when your trust is broken.what hurts the most is when other person knows you and knowingly does a thing to tear you in pieces.

i wonder where i did wrong. perhaps giving one self to other is always wrong. our biggest mistake is to hand ourselves completely to other person and keeping no portion to ourselves.  which is why we are left alone, we cant gather the shattered pieces scattered on ground of our life. the game is of trust. without trust you cant make it and if u trust, it doesn’t make you nor it let you make yourself.

i have no complaints from myself, what i have seen is part of my experience. better would be if i remember this lesson and be careful otherwise i wont be able to forgive myself. i don’t have complaints from anyone as i am responsible for whatever i do. and what others do is not under my control.

but let me say it, everybody sucks you in the end. sooner or later everybody hurts you !

worse feelings

worst are the feeling when you know you are taken for granted. when you know you are used like a thing , not treated like a human …. and still you are being taken this way.

worst are the feelings when you put yourself into the relation and give it more and more of yourself but you get nothing out of it. no return at all.

worst are the feelings when you are misunderstood. people interpret you in the meanings they want and not what you mean.

worse are the feelings when you touch the ground to match the level of a person who never makes up to you.

worse are the feelings when somebody stops caring and puts all concerns in the bin which used to be his top priority.

worse are the feelings when you know you cant have soemthing back but you want to.

worse are the feelings when you know all just went in vain !

what i want is nothing !

yes i want to. i want to write now. right now when i am broken. broken to a level higher than my patience. patience is not my thing this moment. this moment is killing me. killing are the tears in my eyes. eyes which waited n waited for long. long is the distance between us. us we ours have come to an end. end is where our relationship has reached. reach to making up is out of question. questions, too many, are floating on my mind. my mind is shattering. shattered is my soul. soul is out of peace. peace is up high. high are wants. i want nothing. nothing is what i want !